……….What is the real source of peace, happiness and creating a nice atmosphere?
Do you want to be a nice person? Do you know why people consider you to be a nice person? Is it because you have a high job like a Doctor, Engineer or maybe you are very intelligent or wealthy or even very beautiful? People may consider you nice because you care a lot about your appearance and look fashionable and nicely dressed so they want to be with you.
If you think that you need to have any of these things to be a nice person you are under a big delusion because by having any of these things no one truly gets a nice feeling from you. To be a truly nice person you need to share your peace, kindness and happiness with others
Are you kind person towards others? You might think that you are being so nice to others but have you ever watched the nature of your mind when you are being kind to others? If you really watch your mind when you are kind to others you will mostly find that your nature of mind is very selfish, thinking about yourself all the time from morning to until bed time and sometimes even in your dreams. Always we are trying to do something for ourselves. Such a selfish mind comes naturally and without any effort like when we buy an apple we want a nice, ripe and big apple but we never think of others like “ if I took all the nice ones then the owner of the fruit shop can’t easily sell his apples and also the people who come to buy an apple after me can’t get such good ones”. Think – when you do any thing, have you ever thought of other people? No, most probably never. What ever we do our mind absentmindedly thinks just for ourselves even when we see the news, open the Facebook and even when our phone rings, we expect something interesting or nice for ourselves. Many of us are addicted to social media – Facebook, WeChat, Twitter – we are addicted not because we want to be nice and help others, it’s because we are expecting some nice comment from ‘our friends’ –isn’t it? Isn’t this and evil, selfish mind? And I think in these times, many young people when they meet, they never think “what can I do to help others” What people generally think automatically is “what can I get for myself“. So our nature of mind is always thinking of ourselves and never think of others but sometimes we do help others and are nice and kind towards others but it has to come with an effort and also there is always a very subtle expectation which actually turns all that we do for others into deception. We have created such a negative habit since our childhood. So our negative mind is so strong and our positive mind is so weak so what we should try to do is nurture our weak mind –our positive one and focus less on our selfish, negative mind. The more create a different type of habit by caring for others the more peace and happiness arises naturally in our mind.
Disadvantages of having a selfish motivation.
The selfish mind is evil and a person who has such mind logically can’t be happy at all.
If you think of others and care for others, the people surrounding you will naturally feel peace and a connection with you so in this way you are sharing your happiness and peace with others. So as long as you have a selfish mind others can’t get such a nice feeling from you. So are you a nice person? Absolutely no!
Thinking of yourself – even by 1% will bring all the problems within yourself and others. No matter whether you are rich, beautiful, handsome, a King, Prime Minister or Queen etc.. you will look terrible, like a monster because even your own lover, children, family and also your office friends will be scared of you and will keep a distance from you because there is no peace or a nice atmosphere around you. Instead there is a bad atmosphere. The increasing number of divorces, which is written about in the newspapers these days, is also because of people’s selfish motivation. Many people when meet each other for the first time seem to be ready to give their whole heart to the other person because they think they are both nice since what they can see in each other is only their care and kindness which is just on the surface. They can’t clearly see the selfish motivation, which is hidden, but once their selfish nature arises then their appearance, which was once, seen as very beautiful quickly turns into a horrible monster even though you are still wearing the expensive dress, necklace and driving a fancy car. Even your beautiful house with a magnificent flower garden turns into a horrible atmosphere. Then your husband or wife starts to go to the bar and depends on alcohol rather than going to see his beautiful partner, lovely children and nice house etc. Sometimes even the boss in the office looks like a monster although he or she comes with nice clothes and full of perfume.
Many of my friends who are not monks have told me that they used to go with girlfriends for a date many times before they got married. That they used to go on dates secretly in many different places like under the bridge, in the forest, in the cave and even in the horse house etc When they told me such stories it sounded very exciting and interesting but now whenever we meet in town we used to talk about their wife and situation but they don’t seem excited and interested anymore. I wondered why there was such a big difference in their attitude now from before! I think when they were dating, both their care and love appeared and made everything nice like the place where they went for dating could be horrible and dirty but what was most beautiful for them was the nice atmosphere which came from their caring of each other. But now the house where they live and the clothes and perfume they use are nice but the feeling and atmosphere between them is horrible. Why? I think the care and love they had disappeared and the selfish motivation like an evil monster appeared and made everything dark and gloomy.
With the selfish mind,
You will be sad even though you are healthy.
You won’t be happy even though you are rich
You will be lonely although you are living in the big city
You won’t be satisfied even though you have the nicest car, house and latest i-phone.
You will be alone although you are in the street
Being truly kind and caring to others is the true source of inner happiness and peace
– Lopen Namgay Tenzin –